Week 2 Headlines

Now that the dust has settled from the draft and the 2012 Sea General Napes Fantasy Football League season is under way, it's time to get back to what this blog was meant to do - report what's going on in the league and bring to the top stories to the forefront.

The Jensen Brother Post a Combined Record of 0-4 through Week 2.  
Apparently the "Guru" and his prodigy spent more time planning their performance for the draft than planning a solid draft strategy.  Collin's team is projected to go 1-12 and even Ghastin's team look stronger than Jensen's.  We've compared Jensen to the Yankees and now we can lump Collin in as well.  When a Jensen loses, everyone wins.

Injury Bug Bites Napes in the Ass...Three Times
Fred Jackson, Aaron Hernandez, and Hakeem Nicks all suffered injuries in the first two weeks.  If you have any player in another league that is on Statutory Nape, trade him now or suffer the consequences (and strange itch) that Napes is passing on to his players.

Lack of Trading Stalls League Progress
Several trades have been proposed since the close of the draft, but no agreements have yet to be made.  Note to all league managers:  None of your drafts were that great and holding on to players like David Wilson for the long haul will not work in this league.  Make moves - life is boring if I don't have a trade to make fun of.

Danny Hordes RBs...but Can Only Play Two
Drafting two elite TEs was an interesting move, and one that could pay off huge for the league's most controversial manager.  However, having 6 starting running backs on your roster when you can only play two at a time is a great strategy...for leaving points on your bench.  See above headline.

Ghastin and Mike at the Top?
Who'd-a-thunk.

Rat City Bitch and Suh Town Stomp Lyrics

"Rat City"

Rat, rat, city bitch, city bitch
Rat, rat, rat city bitch, city bitch, rat
Rat, rat, rat city bitch, city bitch
Fuckin' on this league

Rat city bitch, rat, rat city bitch
This league should be called Jensen City bitch
Rat team, don't matter who I play with
Danny's draft last year was the biggest biff
There's mikes team playing from the deepest ditch
and his brothers team, very irrelevant
Who the hell are these guys Ghastin's putting in?
Well done terry, 0 for 3 playoff stint
Is Austin here? Does he even give a shit?
P-body got Weemsed by me in the championship
Big games, napes team shit a brick
The Kuhn you know what it is…

Rat city bitch, rat, rat, city bitch
This league should be called Jensen City Bitch

Rat city bitch, rat, rat, city bitch
This league should be called Jensen City Bitch

Rat city bitch, rat, rat, city bitch
This league should be called Jensen City Bitch

“Suh Town Stomp”

= Adam

= Collin

= BOTH

The Jensen brothers here and we rappin'
This is the SGN, SHIT HAPPENS
League watchin, we back at Jensen's place
Only half the dudes in here got a chance at 1^st place
Tough draft, gonna tweak?
We all know Ghastin's will turn out weak
Dannys bitchin' erry day ya'll , HE GON' WEEP
Hopin Jensen just chokes on it and don't win the league
Saying I get the upper hand on all the dealins'
But Jensen says they're fair, ain't tryin to hurt no feelins
Rodgers for Bradford, what the fuck?
Jensen smiling all year, thinkin THAT WUSSUP
Week after week, the league produces drama
Vote this fall, FUCK BARACK OBAMA
Dom-ni-Kong Suh out here, yeah he don't take no shit
Stomped 62's arm was really trying to stomp his dick

I said my Lions don't dance they just stomp on them hands
and do the Suh Town stomp
now suh stomp suh stomp suh stomp suh stomp

I said my Lions don't dance they just stomp on them hands
and do the Suh Town stomp
now suh stomp suh stomp suh stomp suh stomp

Post Draft Breakdown

 

Break it on down, Uncle Nape 

Guest Post by: Dan Napier – Statutory Nape aka Uncle Nape aka Napezilla

Long time reader, first time contributor.

Another fantastic Sea General Napes Fantasy Football Draft is in the books. A healthy weekend of trash talking, musical performances (really?), and camaraderie filled the East Lansing area as 8 of the 10 members traveled far and wide (some on ‘the internets’) to the East Lansing area

In this article we’ll take a look at what I feel are some of the more notable picks per round in the first half of the 2012 draft. The Reaches, the Big Value picks, the WTF’s, and the Snipes are always the most interesting aspects of the draft and can make or break an owner’s season. The draft doesn’t necessarily insure your future as a League Champion – or Cellar Dweller (Nape), but it certainly sets the stage for how your fantasy season plays out. 

Round 1 

The biggest story of round 1 is the P Body selection of Ray Rice at #2 overall. It’s widely known/regarded that sure thing – high ceiling QB’s are the most valuable players in the league. P Body goes against the grain and weeks of preparation and consulting by picking the arguable #1 RB. 

Lil Chea, after publicly announcing he could’ve done more preparation, takes Tony (Homo) Romo #9 overall. Some may call it a Reach, I literally reacted with an audible “WTF”; Lil Chea knows the value of getting a QB early, only time will tell if Romo can live up to the Round 1 selection. 

Michael Vick… the most explosive, dynamic player in the league - at the most important position on the team. ALSO, the most likely to-get-injured player in the league. Austin takes Vick #10 overall and puts his hopes and prayers on the ‘Dog Fighter’ in a high-risk/high-reward type pick. 

Round 2

Austin selects Big Play CJ – Calvin Johnson with the 1 pick of the second round. The next receiver after Calvin is not selected till 27 picks later in the 4th round. 

DKin snipes Jimmy Graham 1 pick ahead of Colin (#16 overall) – to keep the Brees to Graham connection a mirage of huge potential. Controversy surrounds this pick as the Commissioner ‘swears he didn’t set this up’ with his previous statement “I sure hope Colin doesn’t get Jimmy Graham too…” This pick leads to a torrential downpour of trade talks between Danny, Jensen (who creams for Graham), and Colin following the draft. 

“Maurice Jones-Drew reports to camp” scrolled across TV sets the day of the draft, most people say “ehhhh”, P Body literally blows his load. MJD is taken in the second round (#19 overall) by P Body. 

Round 3 

Round 3 was a predictable round for everyone, only notable note to note is only QB’s and RB’s were taken. 

Round 4 

Mike somehow snatches Matt Schaub as the 2nd pick of the 4th round. A player that could easily finish in top 10 of qb’s. Good Value. 

The Ghastin stays true to his draft day maneuvers and takes the 1st of the rookie QB’s, with the selection of Andrew Luck at the 4th spot of round 4 (#34 overall). Ghastin hit on Cam Newton very late in the draft last year and it paid HUGE dividends – can he strike gold again with Luck? 

Terry hysterically picks RG3 – Robert Griffin the III with the 4th pick of round 4, making the pre-draft Jensen/Cheadle guarantee come true. Terry loves rookies (especially ones with sweet nicknames), and everyone knows it. 

DKin lands Ryan Mathews as the #36 overall pick. Some experts tout Mathews as the potential #1 scorer in all Fantasy (standard scoring). However, his injury history makes him a question mark, Danny finds the perfect time to get the lottery ticket. Great Value. 

Round 5  

The Big Man – Jensen – takes Shonn Greene with the 3rd pick of the 5th round (#43 ovl) and people laugh. Why do people laugh? BECAUSE HE TAKES HIM EVERY YEAR, it seems. Shonn Greene is one of the more interesting players this year, as the Jets will rely more on the ground game, but a TRBL offense may make him worthless. 

Danny like Gronk. Gronk still like Colin. There will be plenty of TE handies for DKin has he stocks up on elite TE’s landing Gronk at #45 overall. Great Value.  

Reggie Bush, the professional flex-player goes off the board at the 8th spot in the 5th round to the Commish (I’ve Got Bush). Potentially landing the game changing RB late in the fifth after down-siders Bradshaw and Gore are selected. Good Value. 

Round 6 

Austin selects the Sophomore QB Andy Dalton at the 1st spot in the 6th round. Dalton may have been a stretch with savvy Vets Bradford and Palmer still on the board. Austin will rely on Dalton heavily when (if) Vick goes down. Scary situation. 

Ghastin goes down on Pettigrew….. taking him #54 overall. 

Round 7 

P Body once again leaves people scratching their heads by passing up Brandon Marshall and selecting the unproven, if not promising young QB Russell Wilson with the 2nd pick of round 7. P Body passed on the opportunity to have the historically brilliant Cutler-Marshall connection. C’monnn mannnn. 

Ghastin. C.J. (the Oil-Spill) Spiller at #67? Ced Benson, Peyton Hillis, and David Wilson still on the board? That’s too early for him, bro. 

Round 8 

Talk about a Snipe with Terry selecting Cedric Benson with the 5th pick of the 8th round. Following this pick Danny goes onto to have his anticipated emotional meltdown making Terry’s pick the Snipe of the draft. I also wanted Benson at the turn (you, asshole) 

Jensen lands perhaps the most short-term upside rookie RB with David Wilson at #78 overall. Good pick, with Wilson primed to be the best rookie RB the second half of the season… or whenever Bradshaw hurts his foot again. 

Give Statutory Nape Aaron Hernandez as the last pick of the 8th round. Some experts predict Hernandez will have the best stats of any New England TE by the end of the season. I’ll take that upside all day. 

Special Recognition 

Ghastin takes Reggie Wayne as the 7th pick of the 9th round, and people finally start to realize Ghastin isn’t the same Ghastin of old. And that he actually may know what he’s doing now. Wayne is a unanimous sleeper this year, tied to the touted best rookie QB in NFL history. Ghastin may have landed Reggie Wayne - and his stats we haven’t seen since the Manning days. Good Value. 

Summary  

The draft has seen major strategy erosion into an all-out everyone use a ‘Jensen Model’ of drafting by taking all QB’s and RB’s early. 11 of the top 20 picks were QB’s and 7 were RB’s. Those numbers are right in line with how the top 20 scoring players shook out last year – 12 of the top 20 were QB’s and 5 were RB’s. Perhaps the league has caught up with the ideal method of drafting. Maybe the new reception points addition will change things. Hell, Ghastin could take home the trophy this year -how crazy would that have sounded at this time 2 years ago?! One thing is for sure, no one will know till the games play out!

Jensen Boyz 2012 Surprise Performance

The 2012 Ghastin Performance

Boyz in the League Lyrics

Woke up quick at about noon

Just thought that I had to be drafting soon

 I gotta get drunk before the day begins

 Before Danny start’s bitchin’ about draft trends

 About to go and what did I find?

 Uncle Nape on the street throwin' up gang signs

 I went in the house to check my his stats

After the loss to Ghastin, his team fell flat

He failed at life and he never recovered

Planet of the Napes was run by his mother

 She jumped at the chance', the Ghastin Cup was hers

 She brought Napes back, from the curb

We just want to see Austin play

He thinks he knows his shit on Draft Day

 He’s all, 'Gangster, Gangster' at the top of the league

If we ever find him, Chea will collect his fees

 'Cruisin' down the street in my six-fo'

 Draftin’ Receivers, Cuttin’ the Tebows

I went to the bar to talk some trash

Collin’s obsessed with Streak for the Cash.

                                                                   

 A car pulls up, who can it be?

It’s Terry behind the wheel from what I can see

 He rolls down the window and he starts to say

"It's all about winning that Championship."

 'Cause the boyz in the league are always hard

 Come talkin' that trash and we'll pull your card

 Knowin' nothin' in life but to be legit

No quotes for Mike, he ain't said shit

 Bored as hell and I wanna get ill

 So I go to a place where Ghastin chills

The Commish out there tryna make that dolla

I pulled up in my six-fo' Impala

Greeted with a 40 and I start drinkin'

 After 1-12, Chea starts thinkin’

 He gotta get his team, to score some points

 Where’s Smokey at when I need a joint?

 Pulled to the house, get him out of the pad

 And Jensen said somethin' to make me mad

 He said somethin' that I couldn't believe

 So I grabbed the stupid bitch by his nappy-ass weave

 He started talkin' shit, wouldn't cha know

 He ditched the Lions for a Kelly Clarkson Show

And his brother stood up and he started to shout

 So I threw a right cross and knocked his punk ass out

 'Cause the boyz in the league are always hard

Come talkin' that trash and we'll pull your card

 Knowin' nothin' in life but to be legit

 No quotes for Mike, He ain't said shit

Boyz in the League

It's Draft Day fellas!  To apologize for my absence, I have a little surprise prepared...Enjoy!