Despite "Lovin' Dem Cocks," PBody Defeats Napes: In the match-up of the week, PBody's Stafford/Johnson connection lands him a much needed victory, propelling Napes into "must win" mode for the rest of the season.
Ghastin's Two TE Strategy Fails: If Ghastin would spend more time focusing on his roster rather than composing epic parodies, maybe he wouldn't have had to play two TEs this week. This week, there are REAL rumors that Ghastin is composing another masterpiece...
Cheadle's Run at History is Still Alive: I didn't think that it was possible to go winless in fantasy football...but the Commish is trying his damnedest!
Danny Crawls Back into the Playoff Picture: Back to back wins give Danny a shot at sneaking into the playoffs with possibly one of the worst teams in fantasy football history. I thought the "Suck for Luck" campaign meant that you were supposed to LOSE.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Week 7 Storylines
PBody Sucks: Both at updating this blog and at maintaining a winning fantasy football team. After starting 3-1, the guy with the puppy dog eyes is on a three game skid. However, a favorable match-up against his long time rival, Uncle Nape, could help him get back on track in week 8. With Napes starting Tavaris Jackson and John Beck, it should be an interesting match-up.
Commish Sucks Worse: Seven losses in a row...normally I'd make some joke here about how bad Chea's team is, but it's not even funny anymore. You have the league's sympathy bro.
Danny Focuses on Ghastin Cup: With the season written off by Danny, his team is starting to consist of players who have solid match-ups during the weeks of the Ghastin Cup. Too bad the Tebow pick-up came too late to the savior of Danny's season.
Collin Over Achieves: 5-2 and leading your division? Really? Starting Alex Smith must be the secret to fantasy football success...
Surprise of the Season = Ghastin: It's been rumored that if Ghastin makes the playoffs, he will give a surprise performance of a brand new parody via YouTube to inspire his team to win his first ever championship.
Commish Sucks Worse: Seven losses in a row...normally I'd make some joke here about how bad Chea's team is, but it's not even funny anymore. You have the league's sympathy bro.
Danny Focuses on Ghastin Cup: With the season written off by Danny, his team is starting to consist of players who have solid match-ups during the weeks of the Ghastin Cup. Too bad the Tebow pick-up came too late to the savior of Danny's season.
Collin Over Achieves: 5-2 and leading your division? Really? Starting Alex Smith must be the secret to fantasy football success...
Surprise of the Season = Ghastin: It's been rumored that if Ghastin makes the playoffs, he will give a surprise performance of a brand new parody via YouTube to inspire his team to win his first ever championship.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Week 3 Storylines
DKin's Team Gets Worse: In the second big trade of the year, Danny gives up the 2nd overall pick, Ray Rice, to pick up a struggling running back and the upstart QB Ryan Fitzpatrick. Now PBody has a legit running back and Danny finally has a real starting QB. Both teams got better...but why does Danny's still look so bad?
Cellar Dweller Napes Starts to Climb: Uncle Nape topped the charts this week scoring 177.71. So far Napes has two of the top five scoring players in football...but he's still 1-2. Is he on his way out of the cellar or is he doomed to a cold, dark, and damp season?
Bottom Three Teams Kinda Suck: Mike, Chea, and Danny are all off to 0-3 starts. Both Danny and Chea have made big moves in attempts to salvage their teams and Mike..well...he's just had players get hurt. All three need wins this week to get on track and try to turn things around.
Ghastin Cup in Jeopardy: Will the Ghastin Cup be a legitimate tournament this year if Ghastin actually...makes the PLAYOFFS? Will it turn into the L Chea cup? Or the DKin cup? Somehow...those just don't have the same ring to at as the Ghastin Cup...
Austin and Collin Imitate the Lions: Austin is 3-0...Collin is 3-0...and THE LIONS ARE 3-0!!! It's a good week folks.
Cellar Dweller Napes Starts to Climb: Uncle Nape topped the charts this week scoring 177.71. So far Napes has two of the top five scoring players in football...but he's still 1-2. Is he on his way out of the cellar or is he doomed to a cold, dark, and damp season?
Bottom Three Teams Kinda Suck: Mike, Chea, and Danny are all off to 0-3 starts. Both Danny and Chea have made big moves in attempts to salvage their teams and Mike..well...he's just had players get hurt. All three need wins this week to get on track and try to turn things around.
Ghastin Cup in Jeopardy: Will the Ghastin Cup be a legitimate tournament this year if Ghastin actually...makes the PLAYOFFS? Will it turn into the L Chea cup? Or the DKin cup? Somehow...those just don't have the same ring to at as the Ghastin Cup...
Austin and Collin Imitate the Lions: Austin is 3-0...Collin is 3-0...and THE LIONS ARE 3-0!!! It's a good week folks.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Updated Odds and Line Moves
After two weeks of action, PBody is still taking action on predicting the champion of the Sea General Napes Fantasy Football League in 2011. The odds have changed a bit based on the draft and performance.
Jensen: 4 to 1. After a sub-par draft from the big man, the odds shot down as low as 10 to 1 on Jensen winning it all. Following the blockbuster trade a few days ago where he acquired Aaron Rodgers, the line stabilized at his preseason odds. His team will undoubtedly be in the mix come week 13.
Ghastin: 19 to 1. Many of Ghastin's draft choices were followed by raised eyebrows and the occasional "wow." Usually this would mean that the draft picks were surprisingly bad...but with Ghastin...his picks were (for the most part) surprisingly good. With a 1-1 record going into week 3, Ghastin has as good of a chance as anyone of making the playoffs.
Collin: 5 to 1: Collin is off to a 2-0 start on the back of Tom Brady and his 10,000,000 yards in the first two games. If Brady continues his trend (or even comes back down to Earth a bit), Collin will be a tough out when playoff time comes around.
Chea: 15 to 1. Chea's team just doesn't look that good. He just traded the #1 QB in the league for some more stability, but one of those players (Beanie Wells) just showed up on the injury report as having a hamstring injury.
PBody: 7 to 1. Banking on Matthew Stafford staying healthy, the Robot put his hopes and dreams of a Sea General Napes Championship in the Lions. He was quoted saying "It's nice having the entire league root for my team every week. I mean, how could you root against these Puppy Dog Eyes?"
Napes: 14 to 1. With his first round draft pick hampered by injury, it's going to be a tough go for Uncle Nape. He's 0-2 in a tough division. His handcuff running back got drafted in round 7...by another team. His team is going to have to explode for the next few weeks for him to get back in the picture.
Austin: 5 to 1. Austin's scored the 2nd highest points in the league in the first two weeks, leading him to a 2-0 record. Everyone will be hoping that his first round draft pick, AP, pulls a hammy this weekend against the Lions, but the rest of his team has looked strong. And he has perhaps the greatest team name in fantasy football history.
Terry: 4 to 1. Terry had arguably the best draft and still has one of the scariest teams in the league. Many owners would be happy starting most of the players on his bench. So far it's looking like this is Terry's year to lose.
Mike: 25 to 1. For some reason, no one took the bait on the preseason steal of betting on Mike at 20 to 1. Following the draft, it looked like his team was going to be as competitive as anyone. Two weeks later, he's at the bottom on points scored and on the bottom of his division. Some young talent on his roster might be able to salvage his season, but it better be soon. Otherwise, he might be making a strong case for the Ghastin Cup.
Danny: 13 to 1. After a devastating injury to Peyton Manning, Danny's team went from being a breakout running back away from a championship to bottom of the barrel panic mode. Still wheeling and dealing, Danny is doing his best to get back into form for the remainder of the season...but it's not looking that promising.
Send any bets to Casino PBody, SC.
Jensen: 4 to 1. After a sub-par draft from the big man, the odds shot down as low as 10 to 1 on Jensen winning it all. Following the blockbuster trade a few days ago where he acquired Aaron Rodgers, the line stabilized at his preseason odds. His team will undoubtedly be in the mix come week 13.
Ghastin: 19 to 1. Many of Ghastin's draft choices were followed by raised eyebrows and the occasional "wow." Usually this would mean that the draft picks were surprisingly bad...but with Ghastin...his picks were (for the most part) surprisingly good. With a 1-1 record going into week 3, Ghastin has as good of a chance as anyone of making the playoffs.
Collin: 5 to 1: Collin is off to a 2-0 start on the back of Tom Brady and his 10,000,000 yards in the first two games. If Brady continues his trend (or even comes back down to Earth a bit), Collin will be a tough out when playoff time comes around.
Chea: 15 to 1. Chea's team just doesn't look that good. He just traded the #1 QB in the league for some more stability, but one of those players (Beanie Wells) just showed up on the injury report as having a hamstring injury.
PBody: 7 to 1. Banking on Matthew Stafford staying healthy, the Robot put his hopes and dreams of a Sea General Napes Championship in the Lions. He was quoted saying "It's nice having the entire league root for my team every week. I mean, how could you root against these Puppy Dog Eyes?"
Napes: 14 to 1. With his first round draft pick hampered by injury, it's going to be a tough go for Uncle Nape. He's 0-2 in a tough division. His handcuff running back got drafted in round 7...by another team. His team is going to have to explode for the next few weeks for him to get back in the picture.
Austin: 5 to 1. Austin's scored the 2nd highest points in the league in the first two weeks, leading him to a 2-0 record. Everyone will be hoping that his first round draft pick, AP, pulls a hammy this weekend against the Lions, but the rest of his team has looked strong. And he has perhaps the greatest team name in fantasy football history.
Terry: 4 to 1. Terry had arguably the best draft and still has one of the scariest teams in the league. Many owners would be happy starting most of the players on his bench. So far it's looking like this is Terry's year to lose.
Mike: 25 to 1. For some reason, no one took the bait on the preseason steal of betting on Mike at 20 to 1. Following the draft, it looked like his team was going to be as competitive as anyone. Two weeks later, he's at the bottom on points scored and on the bottom of his division. Some young talent on his roster might be able to salvage his season, but it better be soon. Otherwise, he might be making a strong case for the Ghastin Cup.
Danny: 13 to 1. After a devastating injury to Peyton Manning, Danny's team went from being a breakout running back away from a championship to bottom of the barrel panic mode. Still wheeling and dealing, Danny is doing his best to get back into form for the remainder of the season...but it's not looking that promising.
Send any bets to Casino PBody, SC.
Week 2 Storylines
Offensive Explosion Makes Everyone Look Good: No one sucked this week. The lowest point total came from Danny (surprise) at 123.66. Apparently everyone in the NFL forgot how to play defense.
Jensen and Cheadle Make High Impact Trade: Who would have thought that the Commish would panic and deal his #1 pick after only two games? Jensen's strategy of drafting 800 running backs seems to have worked as now he is starting two elite QBs and still has three respectable running backs. Sigh...here we go again.
Napes Starts 0-2 and Scores More Total Points than PBody (2-0): Fantasy football is all about who you're playing and so far everyone who PBody has played...has sucked.
Collin Takes Down Ghastin: Even with Eddie Royal in his lineup, Ghastin couldn't pull out the victory against long time rival Collin. Ghastin later was quoted "I think Collin cheated when he drafted Brady."
Terry Drops 183: Talk about overkill...Terry won by 55 points this week. Looks like PBody's line of 20 to 1 for Mike to win the championship this year was accurate after all.
Jensen and Cheadle Make High Impact Trade: Who would have thought that the Commish would panic and deal his #1 pick after only two games? Jensen's strategy of drafting 800 running backs seems to have worked as now he is starting two elite QBs and still has three respectable running backs. Sigh...here we go again.
Napes Starts 0-2 and Scores More Total Points than PBody (2-0): Fantasy football is all about who you're playing and so far everyone who PBody has played...has sucked.
Collin Takes Down Ghastin: Even with Eddie Royal in his lineup, Ghastin couldn't pull out the victory against long time rival Collin. Ghastin later was quoted "I think Collin cheated when he drafted Brady."
Terry Drops 183: Talk about overkill...Terry won by 55 points this week. Looks like PBody's line of 20 to 1 for Mike to win the championship this year was accurate after all.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Week 1 Storylines
Match-up of the Week does not disappoint: Even though Napes seemed to be down and out going into Monday night, he road Welker's 30.40 performance all the way to being a Darren McFadden TD away from a victory. PBody's solid passing game and non-existent running game combined for juuuuust enough for the win. Good thing Cedric Benson plays on a team with no quarterback...
Danny starts two QBs who wouldn't make most of our rosters...and still would have beat half the league: Danny's solid running backs (even though Jackson only carried the ball once) carried him to a strong outing, but he ran into Tom Brady's redonkulous 500 yard game. Sorry 'bout your luck.
Mike gets rolled: Talk about a rough week. Only two of Mike's starters reached their projected scores. So much for Ghastin being an easy win...can anyone say dark horse?
Collin scores top points: Surprise, surprise. Collin tops out week one at 171.78 points. Far from the league record, but a great showing from the prodigy. So that's why you wanted to give $$$ for most points...
We have just one more headline this week...
Danny starts two QBs who wouldn't make most of our rosters...and still would have beat half the league: Danny's solid running backs (even though Jackson only carried the ball once) carried him to a strong outing, but he ran into Tom Brady's redonkulous 500 yard game. Sorry 'bout your luck.
Mike gets rolled: Talk about a rough week. Only two of Mike's starters reached their projected scores. So much for Ghastin being an easy win...can anyone say dark horse?
Collin scores top points: Surprise, surprise. Collin tops out week one at 171.78 points. Far from the league record, but a great showing from the prodigy. So that's why you wanted to give $$$ for most points...
We have just one more headline this week...
JENSEN LOSES!!!
For only the 12th time in just over three seasons, Jensen got his ass whipped...and the peasants rejoiced.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Danny's Preseason Power Rankings
Its that time of year again that we all are so looking forward to. This year, I feel like I need to contribute a bit to the webpage as I don't have any "Rants", unless CJ scored a bullshit touchdown at the end of a game to beat me but that was last year and this is an all new fantasy year. Each week, I will be comprising my thoughts on each teams power rankings. I hope everyone can enjoy.
10) The Blump Kin's - What can I say when The Blump Kin's #2 pick doesn't even start the opening season. It is a huge blow for the team with an already depleted QB core. I bet you he didn't think he would have the decision before the draft to play Smith, Campbell, or Collins. Not a decision he would like to make. I did get a chance to ask him how he felt about Peyton and the risk not working out for him, he simply said "Fuck Manning and fuck fantasy." I tried to reason with him to tell him its a long season, but he didn't want to hear it. That's why I had to put this team at the #10 spot however, I don't feel like he will be there for long. With Fitz arguably the best WR in the draft falling to him and the likes of a strong preseason RB core, it could prove to be enough to hold off until Peyton comes back (if at ever). If Hightower or Bush becomes what he is hoping they will this season, it could wreak benefits for the veteran.
9) The ONE-der - I put the One-ders here solely because of his track record. I feel he had a solid draft, however, I feel everyone had a pretty good enough draft. I think his 10th 11th turn picks were great and exactly what he needed. A solid WR tandem with Jennings and Jackson could be enough to overcome his relatively poor RBs. Grant with the 3rd pick to me wasn't necessarily bad, just maybe a few rounds too early lol. That being said, I think there is a great chance for The ONE-ders to have a better season than last year but that's not saying too much. Hopefully his boy Hasselbeck comes through like he has been praying for him too every year.
8) Spear Chuckers - Many to believe him as a Guru and others simply call him the Commish. Having failed to reach the playoffs last year, he will be looking to return in 2011. I have him at 8 because of his weak flex option with Lynch(although everyone's really is with our crazy draft) and a iffy QB2 (coming from a guy who would love to improve either QB with Mcnabb....). He does however have arguably the best start three starting WR core in the league. Wayne's production takes a hit with no Manning, but Johnson should more than easily make that up. Sims-Walker could also come back to form from a few years ago.
7) Puppy Dog Eyes - Best 1 2 punch at QB's in the league for the preason. Worst fantasy football name ever. Could all that is stopping him from winning each week be because of his name.... no... its probably because he has Benson as his #2 RB. However, Stafford to CJ will be very very scary to go up against each week. Each loss to Puppy will be bittersweet because the team will lose, but it will probably be because Stafford and CJ have hooked up at least twice. Daniels will come back to form as a top 5 TE and Plax could be a wildcard. Puppy Dog Eyes is one waiver wire RB pick up to having a very very scary team.
6) Eat a Vick!! - Really dodged a bullet with The Blump KIN's taking Peyton a pick in front of him. The winner of the Ghastin Cup and being able to take the 1st overall pick, it was no surprise to take the most solid pick. A sure thing many would say. Not so fast my friend, (thank you Lee Corso) AP is due to be out a few weeks this year. This is truly speculation, but it will make me feel better for losing Manning. I am not too high on Forte although everyone else seems to love him. I'm not jumping on his train, but he seems a lot better of pick at the turn than Manning did. Flacco's production will increase significantly this year, and Schaub is always a lock for 4000+ Yds. It also helps that Miles Austin is his WR3.
5) The JuliOrcs - I will hand it to you, name wouldn't be so good if it wasn't for that hilarious picture. He truly does look like an orc. Not much to say about your team. I play you this week so I hope they all die. Its solid for now, Freeman will be a bust, Brady will be Brady, and OchoCinco is looking like he is OchoCinco years old. Always looking up to his bigger brother for advise.(Ghastin's song could have replaced P Body with you and no one would have missed a beat). I do believe you get out of your bro's shadow and really make a big run this year. Last year was a fluke with one of the best teams and not making the playoffs. This could have been the only draft in history to have Mark Sanchez picked in the 5th round and before Gates. Sorry about this week Collin, I didn't mean to rip more than anyone else.
4) The Kuuhn - To be honest, I really thought your draft was not strong at all this year but your guys always pull through and become superstars. That's why I am glad you have Greene and Wells because I have them in 2 other leagues. Everyone copied your draft strategy but what do you expect with your track record. You basically control this whole league without a single trade ever happening without going through your approval first. I do respect you because you give your honest advise, but with careful planning, you could dictate this whole league. Now, on to you picks: You can never go wrong with CJ2K and I think Romo will be in the top 5 QBs this year, maybe even top 5 overall. Despite your loathing for WRs, you actually have quite a good core. Manningham looks to thrive without Smith there and Stevie Johnson is looking to not fall in the same category as Dexys Midnight Runners. If Greene, Wells, or Matthews have a breakout year, you will probably be contending for another title. But for now, I predict you miss the playoffs just because no one can keep that streak up. The fantasy curve has finally caught up to you my friend.
3) Lick the Gooch Baby - I prefer to call it the chuddle or the Taint, but Gooch is funny too. I won't lie, you should be worried about Charles production this year. Won't have the amount of carries he deserves but an explosive player to say the least. Charles and Hillis could be a fearsome 1 2 punch and maybe the best RB combo of the league. You know Big Ben will stay in for all 16 games so you don't have to worry about him pulling a Romo. Roddy White, Bowe, Maclin, Holmes, all 4 could be a WR1. I won't be excited to see you during the season. Plus, you have THE LAWFIRM. That's right, he has the Bernstein advantage. I just hope you don't go blind (heh get it) with power if and when your players do work on teams.
2) Planet of the Napes - Napes is well known as the cellar dweller and the creeper. He won't be dwelling any cellars this year. Foster and Run DMC, just plain filthy. If injuries don't play a part for them (which is saying a lot) Napes will cash in. Weak part of his lineup right now is the QB play. Matty Ice is always solid, but he is no one that will just explode. I have always hated Cutler and I still feel that Tebow will steal a few TD's from Orton. Marshall's TD count has to increase this year. He could very well be a Top 5 WR this year. His RBs really fall off after Bradshaw so if one goes down, I drop this team way down. Top to bottom, if injury is not an issue, Napes is taking home some money this year.
1) Sea-Bass - With the combination of your defensive skills (I don't get why no one can score points against you) and you actually having a great draft, has you in the top dog seat this preseason. Vick will have to stay healthy but I feel like he will. Turner, Blount, Best, 3 great RBs even with your first round QB pick. Kolb is prime for a great season with the Cardnals should make for a pretty intimidating team to face. Mike Wallace, Britt and Bryant are all homerun threats that if a week goes right, you will break the all time points for the week. Daniel Thomas has gotten a lot of heat this preseason, but he seems to be in the right place to be this years Mcfadden or Ray Rice from 3 years ago. If you don't make any crazy drops (everyone's reason to keep their Waiver Wire pick), I think everyone by the end of the year will be fearing Sea-Bass. "Sea-Bass said that?" "Well if that guy over there is Sea-Bass.... OOOO AHHHH"
Thanks for reading. This will definitely be my longest Post seeing how this took me the entire Thursday Night Football game. Remember, these rankings don't mean this is the order I think everyone will finish, this is just where I think everyone is at right now with no other variables. Good luck this week, I can't wait for Alex Smith's line of 325/3/1 and 3 rushes for 22yds and for the lions to start off the season with a win behind Freeman's 3 picks. Night all.
10) The Blump Kin's - What can I say when The Blump Kin's #2 pick doesn't even start the opening season. It is a huge blow for the team with an already depleted QB core. I bet you he didn't think he would have the decision before the draft to play Smith, Campbell, or Collins. Not a decision he would like to make. I did get a chance to ask him how he felt about Peyton and the risk not working out for him, he simply said "Fuck Manning and fuck fantasy." I tried to reason with him to tell him its a long season, but he didn't want to hear it. That's why I had to put this team at the #10 spot however, I don't feel like he will be there for long. With Fitz arguably the best WR in the draft falling to him and the likes of a strong preseason RB core, it could prove to be enough to hold off until Peyton comes back (if at ever). If Hightower or Bush becomes what he is hoping they will this season, it could wreak benefits for the veteran.
9) The ONE-der - I put the One-ders here solely because of his track record. I feel he had a solid draft, however, I feel everyone had a pretty good enough draft. I think his 10th 11th turn picks were great and exactly what he needed. A solid WR tandem with Jennings and Jackson could be enough to overcome his relatively poor RBs. Grant with the 3rd pick to me wasn't necessarily bad, just maybe a few rounds too early lol. That being said, I think there is a great chance for The ONE-ders to have a better season than last year but that's not saying too much. Hopefully his boy Hasselbeck comes through like he has been praying for him too every year.
8) Spear Chuckers - Many to believe him as a Guru and others simply call him the Commish. Having failed to reach the playoffs last year, he will be looking to return in 2011. I have him at 8 because of his weak flex option with Lynch(although everyone's really is with our crazy draft) and a iffy QB2 (coming from a guy who would love to improve either QB with Mcnabb....). He does however have arguably the best start three starting WR core in the league. Wayne's production takes a hit with no Manning, but Johnson should more than easily make that up. Sims-Walker could also come back to form from a few years ago.
7) Puppy Dog Eyes - Best 1 2 punch at QB's in the league for the preason. Worst fantasy football name ever. Could all that is stopping him from winning each week be because of his name.... no... its probably because he has Benson as his #2 RB. However, Stafford to CJ will be very very scary to go up against each week. Each loss to Puppy will be bittersweet because the team will lose, but it will probably be because Stafford and CJ have hooked up at least twice. Daniels will come back to form as a top 5 TE and Plax could be a wildcard. Puppy Dog Eyes is one waiver wire RB pick up to having a very very scary team.
6) Eat a Vick!! - Really dodged a bullet with The Blump KIN's taking Peyton a pick in front of him. The winner of the Ghastin Cup and being able to take the 1st overall pick, it was no surprise to take the most solid pick. A sure thing many would say. Not so fast my friend, (thank you Lee Corso) AP is due to be out a few weeks this year. This is truly speculation, but it will make me feel better for losing Manning. I am not too high on Forte although everyone else seems to love him. I'm not jumping on his train, but he seems a lot better of pick at the turn than Manning did. Flacco's production will increase significantly this year, and Schaub is always a lock for 4000+ Yds. It also helps that Miles Austin is his WR3.
5) The JuliOrcs - I will hand it to you, name wouldn't be so good if it wasn't for that hilarious picture. He truly does look like an orc. Not much to say about your team. I play you this week so I hope they all die. Its solid for now, Freeman will be a bust, Brady will be Brady, and OchoCinco is looking like he is OchoCinco years old. Always looking up to his bigger brother for advise.(Ghastin's song could have replaced P Body with you and no one would have missed a beat). I do believe you get out of your bro's shadow and really make a big run this year. Last year was a fluke with one of the best teams and not making the playoffs. This could have been the only draft in history to have Mark Sanchez picked in the 5th round and before Gates. Sorry about this week Collin, I didn't mean to rip more than anyone else.
4) The Kuuhn - To be honest, I really thought your draft was not strong at all this year but your guys always pull through and become superstars. That's why I am glad you have Greene and Wells because I have them in 2 other leagues. Everyone copied your draft strategy but what do you expect with your track record. You basically control this whole league without a single trade ever happening without going through your approval first. I do respect you because you give your honest advise, but with careful planning, you could dictate this whole league. Now, on to you picks: You can never go wrong with CJ2K and I think Romo will be in the top 5 QBs this year, maybe even top 5 overall. Despite your loathing for WRs, you actually have quite a good core. Manningham looks to thrive without Smith there and Stevie Johnson is looking to not fall in the same category as Dexys Midnight Runners. If Greene, Wells, or Matthews have a breakout year, you will probably be contending for another title. But for now, I predict you miss the playoffs just because no one can keep that streak up. The fantasy curve has finally caught up to you my friend.
3) Lick the Gooch Baby - I prefer to call it the chuddle or the Taint, but Gooch is funny too. I won't lie, you should be worried about Charles production this year. Won't have the amount of carries he deserves but an explosive player to say the least. Charles and Hillis could be a fearsome 1 2 punch and maybe the best RB combo of the league. You know Big Ben will stay in for all 16 games so you don't have to worry about him pulling a Romo. Roddy White, Bowe, Maclin, Holmes, all 4 could be a WR1. I won't be excited to see you during the season. Plus, you have THE LAWFIRM. That's right, he has the Bernstein advantage. I just hope you don't go blind (heh get it) with power if and when your players do work on teams.
2) Planet of the Napes - Napes is well known as the cellar dweller and the creeper. He won't be dwelling any cellars this year. Foster and Run DMC, just plain filthy. If injuries don't play a part for them (which is saying a lot) Napes will cash in. Weak part of his lineup right now is the QB play. Matty Ice is always solid, but he is no one that will just explode. I have always hated Cutler and I still feel that Tebow will steal a few TD's from Orton. Marshall's TD count has to increase this year. He could very well be a Top 5 WR this year. His RBs really fall off after Bradshaw so if one goes down, I drop this team way down. Top to bottom, if injury is not an issue, Napes is taking home some money this year.
1) Sea-Bass - With the combination of your defensive skills (I don't get why no one can score points against you) and you actually having a great draft, has you in the top dog seat this preseason. Vick will have to stay healthy but I feel like he will. Turner, Blount, Best, 3 great RBs even with your first round QB pick. Kolb is prime for a great season with the Cardnals should make for a pretty intimidating team to face. Mike Wallace, Britt and Bryant are all homerun threats that if a week goes right, you will break the all time points for the week. Daniel Thomas has gotten a lot of heat this preseason, but he seems to be in the right place to be this years Mcfadden or Ray Rice from 3 years ago. If you don't make any crazy drops (everyone's reason to keep their Waiver Wire pick), I think everyone by the end of the year will be fearing Sea-Bass. "Sea-Bass said that?" "Well if that guy over there is Sea-Bass.... OOOO AHHHH"
Thanks for reading. This will definitely be my longest Post seeing how this took me the entire Thursday Night Football game. Remember, these rankings don't mean this is the order I think everyone will finish, this is just where I think everyone is at right now with no other variables. Good luck this week, I can't wait for Alex Smith's line of 325/3/1 and 3 rushes for 22yds and for the lions to start off the season with a win behind Freeman's 3 picks. Night all.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Rivalries: Ghastin
The 2010 draft held a surprise for the fans and owners alike...a rendition of "No Diggity" written and performed by Ghastin himself. It would have gone better mixed with a fifth of Captain, but it was still entertaining. Rumors have been circulating that this year he has something special in store...perhaps involving pyrotechnics and a dance team.
Ghastin's main rivalry is with, of course, Collin. Jay Cutler, Eddie Royal, and Ed Hochuli will forever be the topic of discussion anytime Ghastin's horrible ass team is mentioned. The debacle that was the Chargers/Broncos game in 2008 changed not only the NFL season, but the fantasy football season.
Worst team of the year: Since Ghastin is usually near the bottom of the league, his rival ends up being the other "Cellar Dwellers." In 2009, Ghastin changed his name to "Still One Above PBody" and in 2010 he battled with Napes for last place. Will this be the year that Ghastin does not have a shot at the Ghastin Cup? Or will his reputation of being the life of the party at the expense of his win loss record hold true?
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Rivalries: Collin
In perhaps one of the best pick ups in history, Collin joined the Sea General Napes FFL on a reccomendation from his older brother, Jensen. He has been heavily involved in many of the major storylines throughout the years that have shaped the league including the Ed Hochuli debacle of 2008. Since that fateful game, Ghastin has never shut up about winning by .09 despite his lackluster showing in basically every other game he has ever played. Thank you Collin for being the fuel for the Ghastin fire.
Ghastin: The Collin vs. Ghastin rivalry has been one of the most interesting throughout the years, spawned from one of the greatest fantasy football moments in history in 2008. The series is tied at 3-3 with four of their six meetings have been decided by less than 10 points. For whatever reason, Ghastin shows up against Collin, who normally destroys his opponents by a wide margin or scores the second most points in the league and gets beat by the week's high scorer. Everyone wants to see a Collin/Ghastin matchup; there have even been rumors of the draft draw being rigged to keep them in the same division.
Jensen: We've already gone over this brother vs. brother matchup, but it's worth mentioning again. There is no love lossed between these two brothers, but neither has any intention of losing to the other. Collin has perhaps the most inside information on his brother's draft strategy, giving him a decisive advantage if history means anything. Collin trails in the head to head matchups 1-2.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Rivalries: Unlce Nape
In appreciation of Napes' genius in assembling the owners roster, in 2008 the league was named after his team, The Sea Generals. He has worn this honor with the pride, adding his expert trash talk to the boards and giving the league the character that it has made it famous.
Uncle Nape's rivalries are few, but what he lacks in quantity he makes up for in quality.
Jensen: According to Uncle Nape himself, Jensen is the only person he really cares about beating. The big guy seems to have a target on his back and shows up on almost everyone's rivalry list, but this matchup is always a real barn burner. The contrast of Jensen's tried and tested RB/QB first strategy and Napes "best available" is put to the test during every matchup. In 2010, Jensen won their only meeting 136 to 111 (as well as the league). Will Napes change his draft strategy this year and rebound from a dismal 3-10 year?
PBody: As former roommates, PBody and Napes spent two solid years competing on nearly a daily basis. Whether it was on the basketball court, XBox, or fantasy football, the matchups always resulted in massive amounts of shit talking and gloating. After making and being ridiculed for making perhaps the worst trade in fantasy football history to PBody in 2010, Napes will be looking for revenge in 2011.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Rivalries: The Commish
The man, the myth, the legend...the Commish. After taking over for Napes as commissioner of a broken and disfuctional league back in 2008, Chea reformed the league and implemented new league rules, a revised scoring system, and took over all of the financial responsibilities. Now entering the fourth year of his tenure, Chea has molded the Sea General Napes Fantasy Football League into one of the best leagues in the world.
Even with the respect and admiration of the members of the league, Cheadle has developed a couple fierce rivalries over the years.
Jensen: The Jensen vs. Cheadle rivalry is one of the oldest on the books. The old college roommates have clashed several times throughout the years in several formats of fantasy sports competition including the championship game of the 2009 Sea General Napes season, multiple NCAA March Madness brackets, and in a weekly head to head fantasy football challenge that they devised just to be able to compete against each other week in and week out. Will this year be Cheadle's turn to top the big man and make a run at the championship? The Clash of the Guru's promises to make headlines and be one of the premier matchups this season.
Mike: As with the Jensens, the Cheadles represent 20% of the Sea General Napes roster. L Chea was brought into the league in 2009 and studied under the Commish to learn the ins and outs of fantasy football in the league. Generally quiet on the smack talk boards, Mike becomes more vocal when it comes to playing his brother. Family ties mean nothing when it comes to this rivalry.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
By the Numbers
Colin put together a table of where everyone has finished over the years. Take a gander and see where PBody the oddsmaker may have overlooked certain details and facts. It's all about beating the house anyway right?
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Rivalries
Every week in the fantasy football season matters. One win or loss can change an owners outlook on the season, driving them to make rash decisions, drop underperforming stars, or desperate trades (right Napes?). Some wins and losses carry more weight than others, such as Colin's demise against Ghastin and the infamous help he received from a certain man in stripes. After these ego boosting or deflating games, we circle the calander on the day our heartbreaking losses can be avenged or our titles of fantasy dominance can be defended.
As fantasy team owners, we do not look at the players that we play against each week. We look at the other owners that we play against. When we start Peyton Manning and he throws for 389 yards and four TDs, we don't tweet our opposing quarterback and say "You got owned, bitch"...we gloat on the match up page, text real time updates to our opponent, or pick up the phone and give the sorry sap who started Kyle Orton the verbal thrashing he deserves.
Over the years, these shit talking activities turn into rivalries. Now that the Sea General Napes Fantasy Football League is going into it's fourth season, we have some real rivalries brewing that promise to make this season the best to date.
First up is everyone's favorite giant and defending champion, Jensen. He's made a name for himself and everyone circles the week they play the big guy. That doesn't mean that he doesn't circle a few weeks on the calander as well...
Cheadle: Cheadle and Jensen's rivalry goes back to the dorms in Ackley-Schilling where they started their own head to head league that pitted their fantasy football knowledge against each other every single week. The Commish has yet to make a run in the Sea General Napes FFL, but his skills have been proven in college basketball year after year. The week that Chea and Jensen play has been officially labled as "Clash of the Gurus."
Colin: Brother vs. brother always makes for an interesting matchup. Colin has shown flashes of brilliance after learning the game from his Guru older brother, but Jensen's experience always seems to rise to the top. By following the (exact) same draft strategy, the brothers promise to field competative teams that will make for at least one, if not multiple, exciting matchups in the 2011 season.
PBody: After picking each others brain every day in the summer prior to the 2008 fantasy football season, PBody and Jensen formed a mutual respect for each others fantasy football views, strategies, and opinions. This bond created a rivalry that borders between "friendly" and "STOP STEALING MY DRAFT PICKS YOU DICK!"
Stay tuned for more in-depth analysis and previews of the rivalries of the Sea General Napes Fantasy Football League.
***Thank you to Colin for mapping out the content for this article***
As fantasy team owners, we do not look at the players that we play against each week. We look at the other owners that we play against. When we start Peyton Manning and he throws for 389 yards and four TDs, we don't tweet our opposing quarterback and say "You got owned, bitch"...we gloat on the match up page, text real time updates to our opponent, or pick up the phone and give the sorry sap who started Kyle Orton the verbal thrashing he deserves.
Over the years, these shit talking activities turn into rivalries. Now that the Sea General Napes Fantasy Football League is going into it's fourth season, we have some real rivalries brewing that promise to make this season the best to date.
 |
| After posting this pic of Jensen and Napes' girl, a new rivalry might be born... |
Cheadle: Cheadle and Jensen's rivalry goes back to the dorms in Ackley-Schilling where they started their own head to head league that pitted their fantasy football knowledge against each other every single week. The Commish has yet to make a run in the Sea General Napes FFL, but his skills have been proven in college basketball year after year. The week that Chea and Jensen play has been officially labled as "Clash of the Gurus."
Colin: Brother vs. brother always makes for an interesting matchup. Colin has shown flashes of brilliance after learning the game from his Guru older brother, but Jensen's experience always seems to rise to the top. By following the (exact) same draft strategy, the brothers promise to field competative teams that will make for at least one, if not multiple, exciting matchups in the 2011 season.
PBody: After picking each others brain every day in the summer prior to the 2008 fantasy football season, PBody and Jensen formed a mutual respect for each others fantasy football views, strategies, and opinions. This bond created a rivalry that borders between "friendly" and "STOP STEALING MY DRAFT PICKS YOU DICK!"
Stay tuned for more in-depth analysis and previews of the rivalries of the Sea General Napes Fantasy Football League.
***Thank you to Colin for mapping out the content for this article***
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Preseason Odds
The 2011 season is upon us. We all knew it would happen, the owners and players want their money as much as we want to talk shit to each other every day for 15 weeks. I've broken down the preseason odds for each owner in the league, you can place your bets by mailing a check to South Carolina. Address it to PBody. They know how to find me.
Jensen: 4 to 1. The big guy is the odds on favorite every year. For some reason, he's always winning. I think it's because while the rest of us are out doing things like talking to women, he's holed up in his apartment reading about what Arian Foster had for breakfast.
Ghastin: 40 to 1. A blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while, but not often enough to win enough games to make the playoffs.
Colin: 10 to 1. Colin's team plays defense like he has kickers in at linebacker. Defense wins championships.
Chea (Commish): 8 to 1. The Commish is wise, but will he be drafting Ocho again this year? Teams with heart win on the field, but usually not in fantasy football.
PBody: 10 to 1. After a "most improved" type season, the Robot is ready for another run at mediocrity.
Napes: 9 to 1. His strategy to go against the grain and draft top WRs backfired last year and poor trading (worst trade in fantasy football history) doomed his 2010 campaign. Will he stick with his strat or will he follow the crowd (who are following Jensen)?
Austin: 8 to 1. Austin seems to quietly destroy people at the right times...if he's still alive, he has a good shot at taking home the title.
Terry: 12 to 1. In an unprecedented move, Terry will be Skyping in his picks for the draft from Texas. PBody is driving from South Carolina for the draft. Show some dedication will ya?
Mike: 20 to 1. At perhaps the best value for you preseason bet, Mike hasn't proven he can hang with the big boys on the scoreboard or the smack talk board. Will this be his breakout year?
Danny: 7 to 1. With a strong season on the back of a dog beater, Danny earned 2nd place honors after making it all the way to the Championship game against Jensen. He was later quoted "I was just happy to be there."
It's a new season. Be ready, or you'll end up 2-11 like PBody two years ago.
Jensen: 4 to 1. The big guy is the odds on favorite every year. For some reason, he's always winning. I think it's because while the rest of us are out doing things like talking to women, he's holed up in his apartment reading about what Arian Foster had for breakfast.
Ghastin: 40 to 1. A blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while, but not often enough to win enough games to make the playoffs.
Colin: 10 to 1. Colin's team plays defense like he has kickers in at linebacker. Defense wins championships.
Chea (Commish): 8 to 1. The Commish is wise, but will he be drafting Ocho again this year? Teams with heart win on the field, but usually not in fantasy football.
PBody: 10 to 1. After a "most improved" type season, the Robot is ready for another run at mediocrity.
Napes: 9 to 1. His strategy to go against the grain and draft top WRs backfired last year and poor trading (worst trade in fantasy football history) doomed his 2010 campaign. Will he stick with his strat or will he follow the crowd (who are following Jensen)?
Austin: 8 to 1. Austin seems to quietly destroy people at the right times...if he's still alive, he has a good shot at taking home the title.
Terry: 12 to 1. In an unprecedented move, Terry will be Skyping in his picks for the draft from Texas. PBody is driving from South Carolina for the draft. Show some dedication will ya?
Mike: 20 to 1. At perhaps the best value for you preseason bet, Mike hasn't proven he can hang with the big boys on the scoreboard or the smack talk board. Will this be his breakout year?
Danny: 7 to 1. With a strong season on the back of a dog beater, Danny earned 2nd place honors after making it all the way to the Championship game against Jensen. He was later quoted "I was just happy to be there."
It's a new season. Be ready, or you'll end up 2-11 like PBody two years ago.
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