Its that time of year again that we all are so looking forward to. This year, I feel like I need to contribute a bit to the webpage as I don't have any "Rants", unless CJ scored a bullshit touchdown at the end of a game to beat me but that was last year and this is an all new fantasy year. Each week, I will be comprising my thoughts on each teams power rankings. I hope everyone can enjoy.
10) The Blump Kin's - What can I say when The Blump Kin's #2 pick doesn't even start the opening season. It is a huge blow for the team with an already depleted QB core. I bet you he didn't think he would have the decision before the draft to play Smith, Campbell, or Collins. Not a decision he would like to make. I did get a chance to ask him how he felt about Peyton and the risk not working out for him, he simply said "Fuck Manning and fuck fantasy." I tried to reason with him to tell him its a long season, but he didn't want to hear it. That's why I had to put this team at the #10 spot however, I don't feel like he will be there for long. With Fitz arguably the best WR in the draft falling to him and the likes of a strong preseason RB core, it could prove to be enough to hold off until Peyton comes back (if at ever). If Hightower or Bush becomes what he is hoping they will this season, it could wreak benefits for the veteran.
9) The ONE-der - I put the One-ders here solely because of his track record. I feel he had a solid draft, however, I feel everyone had a pretty good enough draft. I think his 10th 11th turn picks were great and exactly what he needed. A solid WR tandem with Jennings and Jackson could be enough to overcome his relatively poor RBs. Grant with the 3rd pick to me wasn't necessarily bad, just maybe a few rounds too early lol. That being said, I think there is a great chance for The ONE-ders to have a better season than last year but that's not saying too much. Hopefully his boy Hasselbeck comes through like he has been praying for him too every year.
8) Spear Chuckers - Many to believe him as a Guru and others simply call him the Commish. Having failed to reach the playoffs last year, he will be looking to return in 2011. I have him at 8 because of his weak flex option with Lynch(although everyone's really is with our crazy draft) and a iffy QB2 (coming from a guy who would love to improve either QB with Mcnabb....). He does however have arguably the best start three starting WR core in the league. Wayne's production takes a hit with no Manning, but Johnson should more than easily make that up. Sims-Walker could also come back to form from a few years ago.
7) Puppy Dog Eyes - Best 1 2 punch at QB's in the league for the preason. Worst fantasy football name ever. Could all that is stopping him from winning each week be because of his name.... no... its probably because he has Benson as his #2 RB. However, Stafford to CJ will be very very scary to go up against each week. Each loss to Puppy will be bittersweet because the team will lose, but it will probably be because Stafford and CJ have hooked up at least twice. Daniels will come back to form as a top 5 TE and Plax could be a wildcard. Puppy Dog Eyes is one waiver wire RB pick up to having a very very scary team.
6) Eat a Vick!! - Really dodged a bullet with The Blump KIN's taking Peyton a pick in front of him. The winner of the Ghastin Cup and being able to take the 1st overall pick, it was no surprise to take the most solid pick. A sure thing many would say. Not so fast my friend, (thank you Lee Corso) AP is due to be out a few weeks this year. This is truly speculation, but it will make me feel better for losing Manning. I am not too high on Forte although everyone else seems to love him. I'm not jumping on his train, but he seems a lot better of pick at the turn than Manning did. Flacco's production will increase significantly this year, and Schaub is always a lock for 4000+ Yds. It also helps that Miles Austin is his WR3.
5) The JuliOrcs - I will hand it to you, name wouldn't be so good if it wasn't for that hilarious picture. He truly does look like an orc. Not much to say about your team. I play you this week so I hope they all die. Its solid for now, Freeman will be a bust, Brady will be Brady, and OchoCinco is looking like he is OchoCinco years old. Always looking up to his bigger brother for advise.(Ghastin's song could have replaced P Body with you and no one would have missed a beat). I do believe you get out of your bro's shadow and really make a big run this year. Last year was a fluke with one of the best teams and not making the playoffs. This could have been the only draft in history to have Mark Sanchez picked in the 5th round and before Gates. Sorry about this week Collin, I didn't mean to rip more than anyone else.
4) The Kuuhn - To be honest, I really thought your draft was not strong at all this year but your guys always pull through and become superstars. That's why I am glad you have Greene and Wells because I have them in 2 other leagues. Everyone copied your draft strategy but what do you expect with your track record. You basically control this whole league without a single trade ever happening without going through your approval first. I do respect you because you give your honest advise, but with careful planning, you could dictate this whole league. Now, on to you picks: You can never go wrong with CJ2K and I think Romo will be in the top 5 QBs this year, maybe even top 5 overall. Despite your loathing for WRs, you actually have quite a good core. Manningham looks to thrive without Smith there and Stevie Johnson is looking to not fall in the same category as Dexys Midnight Runners. If Greene, Wells, or Matthews have a breakout year, you will probably be contending for another title. But for now, I predict you miss the playoffs just because no one can keep that streak up. The fantasy curve has finally caught up to you my friend.
3) Lick the Gooch Baby - I prefer to call it the chuddle or the Taint, but Gooch is funny too. I won't lie, you should be worried about Charles production this year. Won't have the amount of carries he deserves but an explosive player to say the least. Charles and Hillis could be a fearsome 1 2 punch and maybe the best RB combo of the league. You know Big Ben will stay in for all 16 games so you don't have to worry about him pulling a Romo. Roddy White, Bowe, Maclin, Holmes, all 4 could be a WR1. I won't be excited to see you during the season. Plus, you have THE LAWFIRM. That's right, he has the Bernstein advantage. I just hope you don't go blind (heh get it) with power if and when your players do work on teams.
2) Planet of the Napes - Napes is well known as the cellar dweller and the creeper. He won't be dwelling any cellars this year. Foster and Run DMC, just plain filthy. If injuries don't play a part for them (which is saying a lot) Napes will cash in. Weak part of his lineup right now is the QB play. Matty Ice is always solid, but he is no one that will just explode. I have always hated Cutler and I still feel that Tebow will steal a few TD's from Orton. Marshall's TD count has to increase this year. He could very well be a Top 5 WR this year. His RBs really fall off after Bradshaw so if one goes down, I drop this team way down. Top to bottom, if injury is not an issue, Napes is taking home some money this year.
1) Sea-Bass - With the combination of your defensive skills (I don't get why no one can score points against you) and you actually having a great draft, has you in the top dog seat this preseason. Vick will have to stay healthy but I feel like he will. Turner, Blount, Best, 3 great RBs even with your first round QB pick. Kolb is prime for a great season with the Cardnals should make for a pretty intimidating team to face. Mike Wallace, Britt and Bryant are all homerun threats that if a week goes right, you will break the all time points for the week. Daniel Thomas has gotten a lot of heat this preseason, but he seems to be in the right place to be this years Mcfadden or Ray Rice from 3 years ago. If you don't make any crazy drops (everyone's reason to keep their Waiver Wire pick), I think everyone by the end of the year will be fearing Sea-Bass. "Sea-Bass said that?" "Well if that guy over there is Sea-Bass.... OOOO AHHHH"
Thanks for reading. This will definitely be my longest Post seeing how this took me the entire Thursday Night Football game. Remember, these rankings don't mean this is the order I think everyone will finish, this is just where I think everyone is at right now with no other variables. Good luck this week, I can't wait for Alex Smith's line of 325/3/1 and 3 rushes for 22yds and for the lions to start off the season with a win behind Freeman's 3 picks. Night all.
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